How I Went From Four Dates a Year to Four Dates a Week (The Ultimate Success Hack)

Personal Development . 7.5 Min. Read . By: Devon Brown

This isn't a dating advice article. I know... the title talks about a "Success Hack" that took me from 4 dates a year to 4 dates a week. And while I am going to share that "hack" with you, what you're about to learn is so much bigger than getting more dates. 

With what I'm about to show you, you'll be able to accomplish more of almost anything you want in life. If you understand this principle, this "success secret", reaching your goals will become so much easier.

Whether your goal is to have more dates, make more sales, lose weight, or virtually any other goal you can think of... this idea is pretty much guaranteed to help accelerate success.

I just happen to call this my "4 dates a week" secret because I discovered this life hack while trying to get better at dating. And yup, once I applied it, I went from 4 dates a year to 4 dates a week!

So let's jump in.

First, I’m going to tell you the life hack right off the bat...

Then, I'll show you how it transformed my dating life...

And finally, I'll explain how you can apply this idea to ANY area of your life where you want more!

The Ultimate Dating Success Hack

Are you ready for this? Because we’re gonna jump right in.

The ultimate success hack to achieve any goal is to DETACH YOURSELF FROM THE OUTCOME.

In other words, if you want to be successful, you must detach yourself from getting the result you're seeking.

Wait, Devon, you’re saying to reach my goal, I have to detach myself from the very thing that I want? That doesn’t make any sense! Isn’t the desired outcome what drives me and pushes me forward?

No! The desired outcome gets you started, but it is NOT what drives you forward. In fact, the desired outcome (or, more accurately, the fear of not achieving it) is usually the biggest reason people fail.

I know this is hard to digest, which is why I'm going to show you what I'm talking about with an actual case-study from my life.

How to Detach Yourself From the Outcome

The story of how I learned this life lesson begins at a diner with my buddy, Jason.

Jason was my real-life Hitch—you know, that Will Smith character that helped lovable losers get the girl of their dreams? I was that lovable loser and Jason was my unofficial dating coach.

We were getting something to eat before hitting the club one night and, as it often did, the conversation steered to dating.

Little did I know how much the lesson I learned that night would affect my life. But before I get into it, let me give you a little background.

Back when I was in my teens and early 20's, I was a late bloomer who may have seemed confident on the outside, but was anything but on the inside.

Except on the dance floor. I was pretty freaking awesome on the dance floor!

Arguably the biggest reason for my lack of confidence was because of how skinny I was. I was 6’2” and only 137 pounds (about 62kg). Seriously, I was so skinny that I had to run around in the shower just to get wet.

So, even though I was a confident guy on the dance floor, I was a gangly Steve Urkel who froze every time I tried to talk to a pretty girl. I pretty much never had a date in high school, and could count on my fingers how many dates I’d had in college.

Jason knew all of this about me, and he said, “Devon, your problem isn’t that you’re skinny. Your problem isn’t that you can’t talk to girls.”

“OK, then what is my problem?” I asked, genuinely wanting to know the answer.

“Your problem is you’re so scared of getting rejected, of hearing ‘no,’ that you won’t even talk to a girl. You’re so scared of getting the outcome you don’t want that you won’t take action in the first place.”

You're so scared of getting the outcome you don't want that you won't take action in the first place.

I sat there thinking about this for a while, realizing the truth in everything he said when he suggested a solution.

“Let’s play a game tonight, Devon. The person who says hi to the most girls wins $10.”

“That’s it?" I responded thinking I misheard him.  "Just says hi? Not the guy who gets the most numbers? Not the guy who gets a kiss at the end of the night? Not the guy who gets the first date?”

“Nope," Jason responded, clearly. "Just says hi. That’s it. Whoever says hi to the most girls wins $10, regardless of if they say hi back or anything that happens afterwards."

"Hell yeah," I thought to myself! I'm gonna win this game with ease.

At that point our waitress walked up to take our drink orders. Before she could finish what she was saying I turned to her and exclaimed, "Ooh, you're cute. LOVE the glasses, that's a great look for you!" Then I held out my hand to give her a high-5.

A smile came to her face along with a slight blush. She high-5'd me, thanked me for the compliment, took our order, and went to the kitchen.

I turned to Jason.... “Is that a point for me?!”

“Yes," he responded, seemingly proud that his protégé had been so quick to take action.  "That’s a point for you, Devon. And you didn’t even have to compliment her, but that was a nice touch."

I Was On My Way To Easily Winning The Bet, When....

The game continued over at the club, and before I knew it, I had 4 points racked up. I was already thinking about how I was going to spend my $10 winnings at the Waffle House later that night, when something amazing happened…

I went up to say hi to the 5th girl of the night, and wouldn't you know it... SHE SAID HI BACK TO ME!

I don’t mean a polite hi followed by her turning away. I mean a sweet hi followed by her turning to me, waiting for me to say more. A hi followed by a conversation!

Shocked (and not wanting to be rude), I asked her name. Long story short, we ended up talking and dancing the rest of the night. We even exchanged phone numbers with the intention of hanging out later that week.

As I'm sure you've figured out by now, I didn’t get a chance to say hi to any other girls that night. So as Jason and I got in the car to head home, it was me who handed him a $10 bill from my wallet.

I lost the bet, but I won big time, and not just because I got to go on a date with a great girl I never would’ve met otherwise. We didn’t even work out… but that’s not the point!

That’s not why I won big time...

The Secret I Learned That Night Took Me From 4 Dates A Year, To 4 Dates A Week!

Why did I win so big that night?

I won because that night, I discovered one of the most powerful success-hacks in life.

You see, when Jason told me "You're so scared of getting a result you don't want, that you won't" even take the action", he was 100% right.

I was so scared of getting rejected, that I never did the ONE THING I had to do to get a a date...


In other words, I was so attached to the outcome (i.e. attached to what her response would be), that I refused to even take the action.

Jason’s game was genius for two reasons.

The first reason was that it got me to focus on the action, not the outcome.

The second reason was that he attached a reward to just taking the action regardless of the outcome. Just by saying hi I’d win $10.

When the reward comes from just taking the action, you will be far likelier to achieve your desired outcome. Because if your desired outcome is your only reward, then you’re likely to get tired or discouraged along the way and quit before you succeed.

Little rewards for every action will lead to your ultimate reward.

I finally understood what Jason meant about detaching myself from the outcome. I realized the value of focusing on the action, not the outcome.

After that lesson hit home, I started saying hi to any woman I was attracted to. And I rewarded myself for just taking that action.

Before I knew it, that too skinny kid who barely had a date in high-school, was going on as many as 4 dates week.

Truth be told, I got so successful at getting dates that I had to "turn down" my habit of saying hi while being unattached to her response.

Going on THAT many dates gets expensive!

Where Can You Apply This Principle in Your Life?

If you're reading this, there's probably only a slim chance that you have any desire to go on 4 dates a week.

And that's cool.

But my question to you is this....

Where can you apply this idea of detaching from the outcome in your life?

What are the areas of your life where you're scared to take the action you know you're supposed to take, because you're scared that action may lead to you striking out.

Maybe you're a sales person who's scared to ask for the sale or approach that new prospect. Maybe you're overweight and you're scared to step foot in the gym.

Regardless of the area, the bottom line is that if you want to get the result you want, you have to take the action that is designed to get you that outcome.

But, as you now know, the REAL secret in taking that action is to...

  • Detach from the outcome.
  • Attach success to taking the action.

What would happen if you attached winning to just taking action regardless of the result? What would happen if you attached a reward to just going to the gym every day regardless of the scale? What would happen if you rewarded yourself for saying hi to that hot girl or guy? What would happen if you just asked for the sale every single time?

I'll tell you what would happen...

You'd find yourself having more success than you could ever imagine

What Next?

To dig deeper and really understand this principle, I strongly encourage you to read The Goal is NEVER the Goal.

Also, many of my students love to apply this idea when it comes to getting better at speaking on stage (which, as you probably know, is something I help people do).

If you'd like support in getting better at detaching from the outcome - ESPECIALLY in the context of becoming more confident as a public speaker - then I invite you to join our exclusive “Awesome On Stage” Facebook group.  The other members and I will be there for you to encourage you and celebrate with you.

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Devon Brown (“Duh-Von” not “Dev-in”) is a speaker, author, entrepreneur, former hip-hop dancer, and World's #1 Event Emcee. Once described as a sort-of ‘MC Hammer meets Tony Robbins’; his style is 50% education, 50% entertainment, and 100% must-experience. Be sure to connect with Devon on social media.

Devon Brown with Arms Folded

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