It was CRAZY!
I had more responses from women I was attracted to than I’d ever had before.
I would literally log into to one of my dating site accounts, and have a dozen (or more) messages waiting for me.
I didn’t have to search through endless profiles…
I didn’t have to worry about whether or not that ONE WOMAN whose profile and pictures I was really attracted to would reject me...
I didn’t have to deal with any of that stuff that most guys get annoyed with when trying to find success on online dating sites.
I just logged into my account…
Went straight to my inbox…
And started replying to messages and setting up dates for the week.
And what’s more… whenever I wanted to implement this dating website “hack”, it only cost me about $22 bucks (and an occasional gift card to the movies).
But I’m getting ahead of myself.
Let’s back up a little bit.
First, you have to understand how frustrating sites like Match.com and OK cupid can be (from a guy's perspective), and MOST IMPORTANTLY, you need to understand WHY I'm even sharing this information with you in the first place.
If you've been following me for a while, then you know that this blog was created to share practical insights to help you create life on YOUR terms - in a fun and entertaining way.
Well, from what my friends told me when I first shared this story with them, it's fun and entertaining as hell !!
But there's a more crucial point.
Listen up, this is important.
As you already know, there are often going to be parts of your life, where you're unhappy with the results you're getting.
For me, back around 2010/2011, online dating was one those areas where I wanted massive improvement.
So, if one of the main goals of this website is to give you practical insights as to how you can better create life on YOUR terms...
Then one of the best ways for me to do that, is to share true (and entertaining) stories of how I created life on MY terms.
This is one of those stories.
Does this story contain really great advice on how to hack online dating?
I think so!
But more importantly it shows you my train of thought in developing a SOLUTION for an area of my life where I felt disempowered.
So, as you continue reading....
Don't just look at this as an entertaining dating-advice article. Look at is as an article on how to "hack life", so that you can get more of what YOU want!
OK, back to the story...
First, I'll share with you what reality is like for lots of men when it comes to online dating.
Then, I'll show you how I "hacked" a solution by asking myself one magic question (I'll reveal the "magic question" I asked myself in just a little bit ).
YES, Ladies. I realize that online dating can be difficult for you too; but a woman’s problem is that, often, she gets hit on TOO much.
Not only that... but frequently, the way men approach women on dating sites is sometimes “douch-tastic” or overbearing, to put it nicely.
No, Billy… she doesn’t want you to comment on her boobs, send her a dick-pic, or send her 75 f*cking messages asking her why she didn’t respond to you.
I once had a female friend of mine tell me that on her FIRST DAY of signing up for a dating site, she had OVER 70 messages!
Men, on the other hand, have the exact opposite problem (unless, of course, they look like Channing Tatum or Shemar Moore).
Usually, men don’t get hit on a hundred times a day.
Sometimes, we’re lucky if we get approached four times a week.
We could spend countless hours sending dozens of messages to women we're interested in, and never hear so much as a peep back.
~ I’d take my time to go through each profile...
~ I’d find women I was genuinely attracted to...
~ I‘d write each woman a genuine/heart-felt message of interest based off of what I saw in her profile…
And you know how many replies I got back…
Damn near ZERO.
I tried to do things the “right” way, like a good-guy, and I pretty much got jack for it (I’m sure many of the guys reading this understand where I’m coming from).
To be fair... I will gladly acknowledge that there were numerous reasons for me not getting great response during my initial soiree into online dating. I made TONS of mistakes and there were a million things I could’ve done differently.
But here’s the bottom line…
Taking hours upon hours to go through hundreds of profiles and write unique messages, just to get a 0.0005% response rate from the women I was interested in, was NOT cutting it. Especially when I was so emotionally attached to whether or not they responded.
I asked myself the following question…
In a “perfect” world, what would online dating look like for me?
(Side Note: That question I just posed - “In a perfect world, what would this look like for me?” - is the “sexy” of this article. THIS is the ONE QUESTION you need to ask yourself in ANY area of your life where you feel unsatisfied. If you don't start off with a clear picture of what things would look like in a "perfect world", you'll have practically zero chance of creating the life you want.)
This is the "magic question" I was referring to earlier.
See, I told you I'd tell it to you
Anyway, as I was saying -
In a "perfect" world, what would online dating look like for me?
And I came up with the following answer...
In a “perfect world", I would log into my Match.com account (or whatever site I was using), and I would have 5 – 10 messages waiting on me from women who I found attractive and who were interested in getting to know me.
OK, first step done.
I had clearly defined the end result I wanted.
But how was I going to make it a reality for myself (especially given the fact that most women want/expect the guy to make the first move)?
"I’ll just have someone hit on the women I like... FOR ME!!"
A pretty great idea if I do say so myself.
But how would this work?
How would my “dating assistant” know who to hit on for me?
How would I make sure that she wasn’t reaching out to women who I didn’t find attractive?
I certainly wouldn’t want to have to respond to some poor girl and say:
“Hey, sorry you think I’m interested… but my dating assistant was hitting on women for me and she accidentally hit on you. HER bad!”
So, being the solution-oriented individual that I am, I came up with a plan.
Here’s what I did…
YES... I hired someone to reach out to women for me.
At the time, I had a stay at home mom who was doing part-time subcontract work for me in my internet business.
She was managing my social media accounts and helping me write content for one of my blogs. I was paying her about $11/Hour
I asked her if she’d be interested in logging into the online dating sites where I had memberships, and sending messages to women for me?
As for her response…
Well, let’s just say her response was NOT what I was expecting.
Me: “So… what do you think? I’ll pay you your normal $11/hour, and you can just do it for 2 hours or so whenever I ask you to?”
(note… $11/hour X 2 hours = $22)
Her: “Let me get this straight. You’re gonna PAY ME to log into dating sites… look through women’s profiles… and email the ones you think are cute?”
Her: “So it’s like I get to play matchmaker and you’re gonna pay me?”
Her: “I’M IN!!! I can’t wait to tell my husband about this.”
I ended up sending her and her husband a movie gift-card just to be nice.
Hence the title of this blog-post:
“How I Hacked Online Dating For $22 Bucks & An AMC Movie Gift Card.
But I only sent the movie gift-card once. So I guess the real title of this blog post should be “How I Hacked Online Dating For $11/Hour”... but whatever. You’ve read this far so I’m pretty sure you couldn’t give two flips about the gift card. Besides… today, you could probably outsource this to someone in Singapore for $5/hour.
But I digress.
One of the most important parts of this online dating hack is to remember that PEOPLE HAVE FEELINGS.
I know what it’s like to be rejected. I know what it’s like to think someone is interested in you, only to be let down and find out that they aren't.
I never want to make anyone feel that way.
So, I showed my new dating assistant EXACTLY what type of woman I was interested in, told her to err on the side of caution, and after our training was complete, I gave her the “Who Would You Hit On?” quiz.
First, my new dating assistant and I used some online software that enabled us to share computer screens with each other. You can use something like Join.me, Skype, Zoom, or any number of services to make this happen.
Next, while she was viewing my screen, I pulled up my Match.com account.
I showed her the search parameters I wanted to use (age, body type, personality traits, etc…) and Match gave me a list of about 20 results on the 1st page.
The results page kind of looked like this:
Yes - I know the above picture is blurry. That’s because...
A.) I’m not going to show you real pictures of people on a dating site (that wouldn't be cool)
B.) I just needed to give you a general idea of what you and your new assistant would be seeing
OK, back to the hack.
Once the results from my search popped up on the screen, I walked my new assistant through each of the pictures/profiles on the screen.
I explained in full detail who I was interested in, who I wasn’t, and explained the thinking behind each decision so that she could better understand my type.
Next, it was time for THE QUIZ!
I went to the next page of results, and told her to tell me which women she’d reach out to, which ones she wouldn’t, and her thinking behind each decision.
To my surprise, she got the quiz almost 100% right on the first try!! I guess that’s because she had a good teacher – hahaha.
Just to be safe, we pulled up another set of search results and went through the quiz one more time.
She passed with flying colors!
She now had a good idea of who I was attracted to.
On to the next part of the plan.
That's right... I gave her pre-written templates to make her job easier.
OK, pay close attention here because this is where things get a little tricky.
I wanted my new dating assistant to be both efficient and effective in what she was doing. But having her come up with a unique message each time she wanted to reach out to someone is not at all efficient.
On the flip side of the coin, I didn’t want her just copying & pasting the same message over and over. Because, while that may be efficient, that shit is super obvious and would likely be less effective in getting good results.
So, I came up with a twist on an idea that marketers have been using for years.
PRE-WRITTEN MESSAGES WITH DYNAMIC WORD INSERTION POINTS!
This is just a fancy way of saying...
Pre-written email messags my assistant can copy & paste… but with certain parts of the email left blank so the message could be personalized.
I know... It's AWESOME, right?
Here’s How To Use Email Templates To Hack Online Dating...
When my assistant would send an email to a woman, she’d start with a template. But the template would have areas for her to fill in the blanks with something unique from the person’s profile we were messaging.
You know, kind of like a customized message for each person, but the basic template was the same.
Note: Attractive women get 100’s of messages a week from potential suitors. So my messages NEVER started off with “Hey” or “Hi” or “Nice Profile”…. That shit is way too bland. Instead, I did my best to make the subject line of the email I was sending her stand out so as to catch her attention.
Each "________" in the boxes below, represent a place to customize the message.
SAMPLE EMAIL SUBJECT LINE: OOHHHH, You’re In Trouble!
That’s right, _______________…you're definitely in trouble.
Because I see from one of the pics on our profile that you stole my ____________.
So, 3 things...
1. I want my _______ back.
2. I may be willing to forgive you and not take you to court over this, but we’ll have to see what my lawyer says first.
3. Feel free to check out my profile, laugh hysterically, and then message me back if you're interested in getting to know me and maybe hanging out sometime.
You never know... if things work out I might even let you keep the __________________.
OK, let's break this down...
You’ll see here, that this message starts off with a subject line that, I can bet you, no-one else has sent her. This is absolutely critical for grabbing attention.
Next, you’ll see that there are FILL-IN-THE- BLANKS for personalization purposes.
The first _________ is where we put her username (or her real name if she gives it).
In this example, let's pretend the woman's username is PenguinGirl86, or, you actually read her profile and found out her real name is Connie.
“That’s right, Connie… you’re definitely in trouble."”
“That’s right, PenguinGirl86… you’re in trouble.”
Now, let’s pretend that in one of her pictures, she’s standing next to a 6ft tall giant stuffed penguin.
If that’s the case, then the wording we’d use to fill in the rest of the blanks would be “stuffed penguin”.
It would read something like:
That’s right,PenguinGirl86…you're definitely in trouble.
Because I see from one of the pics on our profile that you stole my stuffed penguin.
So, 3 things...
1. I want my stuffed penguin back.
2. I may be willing to….
You get the idea.
The point here is that for each woman who gets a message, we find something specific on her profile to use to fill in the blank. This allows us to personalize each message while still being very efficient time-wise.
Another spin on this idea is to leave a P.S. at the bottom of your email that goes something like this….
“P.S. By the way, do ________ get along with Gemini’s? I’m gonna have to do some homework on this before we do lunch or take our first vacation to Bora Bora”
The "________" in this case, is her zodiac sign.
Often, a dating site will list the zodiac signs of its members, so this is a fun/simple way to add further personalization in less than 10 seconds.
All in all, we had about 3 or 4 different email templates we would rotate through.
Now that my new dating assistant had everything she needed, there was just one thing left.
After a little trial and error, my new dating assistant found the most efficient way to accomplish the work (which was great for me because I was paying her by the hour).
What she found was that by creating a little spreadsheet, she could do the work in chunks and track everything we were doing.This is NOT her actual spreadsheet, but it will give you an idea as to what she was doing.
My assistant found that the most efficient thing to do was:
1. Go onto ONE dating site and find all of the usernames of women I would be attracted to.
2. Paste the username on the spreadsheet, and while on the page, find the unique thing about her profile and paste that into the spreadsheet as well
3. Once she had about 20 or so usernames and unique profile items, she’d go through and just copy and paste the pre-written messages, and personalize each email with the unique profile item she’d already put in her spreadsheet.
We found that once she had her system down, she could enter about 30 or so profile names and unique profile items into the spreadsheet in about an hour.
Then, after that hour was done, she’d go back and do all of the emails at once.
This turned out to be wwwaaayyy more efficient than doing the entire process for each profile we liked.
Also, in creating the list FIRST, I had a chance to go through and check on things BEFORE she sent the emails out (which was great for ensuring we didn’t accidentally email someone I wasn’t interested in).
Now, if you’re thinking to yourself that this entire process is a little much, well… you’re not wrong.
The thing you need to understand is that I’m an internet marketer by profession. And I LOVE learning about things like psychology, efficacy, and problem solving.
The reason for all of the different columns in the spreadsheet and the tracking of the email reply rates was so that we could figure out what worked the best.
I certainly don’t expect you to take it as far as I did.
I just figured that while we were doing the work, we might as well track our progress.
Eventually, my assistant got REALLY efficient at doing this. She even got her husband to weigh in and give his opinion if there was a profile she wasn’t sure about.
And when I logged into my accounts on Match.com (or wherever), I would go straight to my inbox, see who replied, respond back, and hopefully set up a date for the near future.
Before long, it go to the point that I had to tell her to stop because I was talking to too many women. But if I ever wanted to ramp things back up, she could do so in about 2 hours.
I’ll close with this..
Fellas. If you end up using this online dating hack... PLEASE don’t be a dick. Don’t just message every woman out there. Please only message the ones you GENUINELY WANT to talk to.
The point of me coming up with this system was so that that I could stop spending countless hours perusing profiles and getting emotionally attached to certain women I’d messaged; not to just hit on everyone.
One last thing…
As I said in the beginning of this article, the main purpose of me sharing this with you, was so that you could see the problem-solving thought process I went through in turning around an area of my life where I felt disempowered.
So, here's your homework....
1. Find an area of your life where you'd like to have better results.
2. Ask yourself the "magic question"; In a perfect world, what would this look like for me?”
3. Come up with a game plan to work toward achieving what you want that area of your life to look like.
Think a little outside the box, be flexible in your approach, and seek out some who may have already accomplished what you're looking to do.
My guess is that the solution is closer than you think!
Devon Brown (“Duh-Von” not “Dev-in”) is an internet entrepreneur, speaker, author, MC, and former hip-hop dancer whose content has helped countless people achieve more success in their lives. Once described as a sort-of ‘MC Hammer meets Tony Robbins’; his style is 50% education, 50% entertainment, and 100% must-experience. Be sure to connect with Devon on YouTube at DevonBrown.TV
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